he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
