I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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