My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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