there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it's like heaven, but drunker
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
