Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
