you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
