That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk is not a location!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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