I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
