i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
