I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
