Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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