When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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