Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
