let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
