I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
