I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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