Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
