i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Green mimosas i think yes
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
