no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
