I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
