Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
