peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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