when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
