Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
