I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The air was thick with penises
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
