I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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