I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
