dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
