Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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