sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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