And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
