Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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