I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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