That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
