So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
