dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
