My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
