420 ftw
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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