i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
