I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize