Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
