Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
