I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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