I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
did i walk over a car last night?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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