I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We are two peas in an std pod
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
