very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
