There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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