it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
