Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
