Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
