I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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