We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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