stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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