Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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