as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
