Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
