i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
