its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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