My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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