There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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