walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
