I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
