A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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