...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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