Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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