Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
