I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
