Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
