I want to make a zoo with you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
