just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
